An Expert Guide: Get Teenager to Talk About Their Feelings

 

Are you dealing with raising a teenager who doesn't want to talk or share his feelings with you? Okay. You are not alone in this journey. All the parents face hurdles in raising the teens. Raising a human, especially a teenager is often confusing and frustrating when he or she adopts silence and shares nothing with you. The teen years are a roller coaster of emotions during which teens struggle with identity, controlling emotions, and taking responsibility. They make mistakes and enhance their learning. They are developing to adulthood so they try to cope with their feelings independently. So they don't share anything with their parents or elders. Through this article, I'll share the possible causes and useful ways to get teenagers to talk about their feelings and emotions.

Why Is It Important for Teenagers to Talk About Their Feelings?

It's of great importance for teenagers to express their emotions and feelings. It lessens their burden and makes them feel easy. They are not fully mature enough to deal with their emotions alone. They are going through a learning phase to handle their feelings and challenges. If teens don't express themselves, it can lead them to anxiety and depression. Expressing the emotional issues with parents also improves parent-teen relationships. Talking and sharing things results in better relations with parents and elders and improved mental health.

What Are the Common Reasons Why Teenagers Don't Talk About Their Feelings?

1. Fear of being judged or misunderstood causes the teens not to tell what they are going through. They may find it unsafe to talk to their parents or elders because the elders will not understand their perspective and don't validate their thinking and feelings. According to CNN, about 20% of teens reported in a study that they don't get the emotional or social support they need.
2. When teens talk about their problems, they aren't seeking advice or solutions from others. They just want to feel easy and being supported. They want empathy, attention, and support in their matters. That's why they share everything with their close friends. As the friends are going through similar issues, they validate each other and give verbal and emotional support. When you mark them as true and understand their point of view, they will discuss the things with you.
3. Generally, in the teen years, all individuals face emotional disturbances, stress, anxiety, and pressure from society, and are trying to find their passions and future. All these things contribute to their emotional pressure and when they find you not understanding them, they will think it a waste to share anything with you.
4. The pressure and tension of getting good grades at school and finding their profession gives teens a BIG challenge. It's not simple and easy to manage it. Some parents may force their children to take specific subjects or professions. It makes them disheartened. So they will share nothing about their plans and show the signs of rebellious behavior.
5. Sometimes the teens want to talk but due to a lack of communication skills, they hesitate to do so. They can talk to their friends and mother more easily than they can talk to their father. They struggle to start a conversation and make eye contact with parents and elders. You can try talking to them during a walk or driving. In this way, they will not need to make eye contact. So they can easily communicate with you in an optimum way.
6. Another important thing is the previous experiences while talking with you. The teens can predict how will you respond to their opinions and decisions. They may feel that when they share their feelings with you, they may face criticism, underrating, or an unsupportive attitude. These things make them deal with their emotions alone and not share with any other.
7. The parents often lack trust or belief in their children. Commonly, parents overlook their teen's opinions and decisions. Parents don't consider that their teens are choosing the right. When a teenager tells you some opinion or decision and you ignore it and don't value it. It can lead them to not sharing or talking with you about their thinking in the future.

How Can Parents Encourage Their Teenagers to Talk About Their Feelings?

1. Active listening involves listening with full attention. When teens talk with you, listen to them, understand their opinions, and respond accordingly. Don't criticize them or judge them. Just listen and find out what they are going through.
2. Don't give them your opinions or advice, just reflect on what they say. It makes them realize that you are sincere and conscious about them and their problems.
3. If your teen answers only Yes or No and doesn't more than that. You can make it better by asking them open-ended questions in which they have to open up their thoughts and feelings in answering your question.
4. Teenagers also do not talk to their parents because their point of view and angle of viewing different things don't match their parents'. For example, they have an interest in one thing and you may be interested in another thing. When the interests, opinions, decisions, and mindsets don't match, they don't open up their thoughts and feelings. You can resolve it by talking on a common topic or topic of their interest and even if you don't 100% agree, you still need to validate them and listen to them calmly. It can improve your relationship.
5. Criticizing teenagers for their bad performance in school or any other bad behavior makes them distant from their parents. Give them space to make mistakes and try their own opinions and ideas. The teenage years serve as a preparatory phase for adulthood. In their practical life, they will need much knowledge and experiences that they gain from their teenage.
6. Be Positive. If they get bad grades in school, rather than criticizing them or yelling at them, appreciate them that they did their best and encourage them to improve their performance, behavior, and skills. Creating a positive conversation with your teenager can make your relationship healthy and stronger. In such an environment, they will feel safe to share things with you.
7. Don't share their mistakes or secrets with others, everybody likes privacy, and teens as well. Take care of their privacy and also don't discuss their mistakes or bad things in front of others. It gives harm than good, in the sense that they become disheartened of you.
8. Don't get hyper about their minor mistakes and stay calm when they talk with you. Stay calm in the conversation even if you don't fully agree with them. When you shout at them, they find it unsafe to talk with you and make eye contact with you in the future. It disturbs your relationship and badly impacts your mental health and your teenager's.
9. You should build such an environment and attitude that teens feel comfortable in telling you about their problems. Value their opinions and validate their feelings so they think talking with you is worth it.

Read also: How to Improve Social Skills for Teens?

The Last Say (Conclusion)

In conclusion, good parent-teen relationships are significant for both the teens and their parents. It gives good mental health. Expressing the feelings with others lessens the stress and frustration of the teenagers. Stay positive, appreciate them, give them value, involve them in family and their future decisions, listen to their perspectives calmly and think about it. These things can help better your relationship and communication. When they feel comfortable with someone, they share all.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I do if my teen refuses to talk about his feelings?

If your teen doesn't want to talk about his feelings, don't force him too much. Instead, create a calm and neutral environment where they feel safe. Avoid criticism and focus on active listening when they decide to speak.

How can I create a safe environment for my teen to express feelings?

To create a safe environment, you must listen to them without criticism. Value their opinion and don't share their mistakes or secrets with others. Staying calm during the conversation, even if you don't agree with them, will make them feel safer and easy to share their feelings.

What are the signs that my teen is struggling with his feelings but not communicating?

Signs include your teen withdrawing from family or friends, having mood or behavior changes, decreasing academic performance, or avoiding eye contact with you. If he or she is hesitant to talk or only gives short answers, it could be a sign that he or she is dealing with a challenge emotionally but isn't ready to talk about it yet.